Only a mothe r could love this liver
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
