fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
