you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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