bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
