Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
