too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
