At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
