Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
