It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
