Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
