This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
