My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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