Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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