there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
