You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
