we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
