boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
