During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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