Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
