I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
