sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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