North Korea, Best Korea!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
