there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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