RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
