The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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