two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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