I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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