I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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