jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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