Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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