Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
