I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
