Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
