he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
did i walk over a car last night?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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