i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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