I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
