I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
