My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
