Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
