You're earring is so big in my mouth
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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