very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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