Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Drake has all the answers
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
