glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
worst night to have a conscience
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
