Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
