How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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