im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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