Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
