Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
