Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
