why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
