dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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