I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
