called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
