yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
