We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Randomize
