I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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