Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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