he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
