the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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